| Bio: | Hey. I'm Mephistopheles. You might have read about me in Christopher Marlowe's Faust. Goethe also wrote a version, but I think I come off better in Marlowe's. It captures my contemplative side. Anywho, way back before recorded time, Lucifer and Belial and Michael and I were enjoying a nice game of Whack-a-Mole, when god tells us that he's gonna make these things called humans. So we're all, "That's cool, man, whatever, we're playin' Whack-a-Mole here, tells us about it later." Then he starts telling us that humans are his most precious creation, more precious even than us. That's when Lucifier stopped playing Whack-a-Mole in the midd of a game (something he's never done before or since) and screamed, "I KNOW you didn't just say that!" And Michael was all "Lu, calm down," and Lucifer was all like, "BITCH, ARE YOU FOR REAL!?" Anyway, this big fight started, I sided with Lucifer because, well.... you people didn't have fire yet, you were pretty unimpressive. If I'd have known you were gonna make stuff like Invader Zim and Zippo Lighters, I would have so sided with Heaven. ZIPPOS RULE!!!! Anyway, we all got kicked out and sent into Hell, and it became clear after about a day that Lucifer had no idea what he was doing. Hell, was really disorganized, there were lines everywhere, and you kept getting raped by mountains. I realized I'd made a HUGE mistake, but I couldn't go back. Anyway, skipping forward to the present day, I was using this rapist as a condom, when he turned me onto Livejournal! He told me that it was where people go to bitch about there lives being hell, and I thought, "Hey, my life actually IS hell!!! I should do this!!!" So here I am, ready to bitch! |
